My name is Ox...

My name is Ox, and I am stubborn.

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All my life, I have believed in one thing, and one thing only: If I put up 120% of effort, I will get good results in return. It always worked... When I was little, I moved to the city to study, back then, I did not know any English, so my grades were not as good, but I have tried so hard to improve my English skills, it helped me to get into College and finally graduate from college. When I was working at the Emergency Unit, I worked extra hard to study medical skills, and finally, I was able to get a chance to join for the fire department. When I was a fireman, I made sure my team members and I worked hard to keep in shape and fully trained. When I was in coma... (oh, yes, coma, that was a long story) I worked too hard to try to wake up even though everyone else thought it was impossible for me to wake again. When I lost my leg, (yet, another long story) I was able to fight and learn how to walk again...

I know every time I worked hard, good results will come. I never stopped believing this, but when it comes to love, things just went complicated... Ah Ying, the love of my life, only she keeps telling me that she doesn't love me. Sometimes, I felt that I can not function without her, because I just love her too much, yes, I am selfish, and I don't understand what she really likes. Sometimes, as a boyfriend, I always tell her what to do, and what not to do. Yes, I agree I may hurt her feelings a million times, I made her very unhappy. But, I am human, human makes that kind of mistakes, especially for an ox like me. I am stubborn... I understand why she broke up with me, (sigh...) but if she really doesn't love me, why bother visiting me in the hospital? Why bother record that message for me? Gosh, that message is really killing me... (sigh again) Why did she ever recorded that, I don't understand. When I woke up, why didn't she just tell me, she is not my girlfriend, she is just a friend who wants me to recover. Why bother give me all that memories back, and all the sudden tells me that all her feelings were changed??!!!!

Feelings were changed?! What do I know?! I was in coma when Rex and Ah Ying had a near death experienment, which made you guys love each other so deeply. (Oh, Rex, my best friend, I owe you too much) I had no idea how you guys developped your feelings toward each other. I was in coma! So, I was shocked to learn the fact that Ah Ying doesn't love me, instead, she loves Rex. I made some stupid mistakes when I was mad, eventually, that cost my leg. I deserved it, because I was mad, I was mean, and I was crazy. Now, I am regretting for all the things I have done.



Oh my gosh, the water is coming into my nose, I can feel it is going through my mouth, and slowly into my lungs. Am I going to die? Wait, wait, I don't want to die! Yes, I lost the love of my life, and Rex, my best friend, how would I ever repay you? Can you believe it? I told Rex two times that we can't be friends anymore. The first time, Rex was more upsetting, he thought I used him to get what I wanted. It was a complete misunderstanding. The second time, I knelt down before him to beg him to give up Ah Ying. Oh my gosh, why did I do that? I was selfish, I only thought about myself. When Rex told me he will not give up on Ah Ying as well, my heart broke. I could not control my feelings. So, I told him that we can't be friends. Gosh, I really regret these. He is my best friend, why did I do all this to hurt his feelings? Rex, would you ever ever forgive me? I know you would, you never blamed me, but I can't even forgive myself... Rex, I owe you too much, if I can ever ever use my life to repay you, I would! You are the one tells me that: out of difficulties, comes miracles. I always believed it. I always do, but it just never worked with Ah Ying...

Well, here I am, in this water tank. I guess I did helped you to get out of the fire. But, I think I still owe you a lot. I can never say enough sorry to you, but I just wish that I have the chance to be your friend forever. I just wish that I can forgive myself and learn to let go. Yes, I can let go! I felt so much pressure in the water, and the fire is right above me, but yes, I can let it go. Ah Ying, I am going to forget you. I am going to let you go...

Oh gosh, I am not really thinking about Ah Ying right now. How strange, in my head right now is Ah June. She was a nurse, she was the one helped me to learn to walk again. She was the one helped me discover the new me. (Sigh...) I need to travel with her, I need to tell her that I care about her!



I can't die! I can't stay here! Someone help me! I have to tell Ah June about my feelings. But, I don't have air, water keeps coming into my lungs... (Sigh...) This is a weried feeling when you don't want to die. It is easier to end my life volunteerly, I did that once. I was at the top of the building and I almost jumped, but my father's phone call saved my life. At then, I realized I have someone I need to take care. I can't be selfish, I can't die yet...

Well, my life did not end then, it certainly will not end here! I went through too much to let it end. I hope right now, everyone can forgive me, and I can forgive myself too. Come on, I don't want to die here. Someone help!

Oh wait, I hear something, people calling my name... Rex, I heard you... Yes, I want to wake up! Save me! Keep helping me! Encore! I can hear you too! The water from my lungs just came out, I opened my eyes, and I saw so many people around me, they were laughing, and I am laughing too...

This is my new life, and I can taste it.

--- Ox (Wong Hei), the extensive thoughts, in the water tank, episode 32, Burning Flame 3
* created and screen captured by tvbsquare